1. Listen actively:

One of the most important aspects of effective communication is the ability to listen actively. This means paying attention to what your partner is saying and making an effort to understand their perspective.

They always told you to avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions, and this is not necessarily true but you have to show your partner that you are listening by making eye contact, nodding, and using verbal and nonverbal cues.

We don’t want to teach you how to deceive your counterpart, but is important to learn how to catch the important part of the story and knowing when to interrupt.

2. Be present:

When communicating with your partner, it’s important to be present and fully engaged in the conversation. This means putting away distractions like phones and laptops, and focusing your attention on your partner.

You have to demonstrate with actions that you are listening so the next time follow this simple steps.

• Look at his/her face, it’s not necessary making eye contact all the time but you have to look at the face and in some occasions make the eye contact.
• Leave your phone on your pocket. This one is amazing the effect. By leaving the phone in your pocket and not on the table or anywhere else (doesn’t matter if its turn upside down) the other person will unconsciously believe that he/she is the priority. Try this once and you will see the expression in their faces.
• Mute or better turn off tv, close the laptop or turn away the monitor, demonstrate that you have an interest (even if you don’t) this will pay you back I promise

If you need to, you can even configure the Focus feature on your devices, here is a small guide on each one:

1. Windows 11
2. IOS 15 or Later
3. mac OS
4. Android

3. Use “I” statements:

When expressing your thoughts and feelings, try to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This mean talk about your feelings and mistakes and not about the other persons wrong doings. It can help you communicate your own perspective and emotions without placing blame or making accusations.

This one is a dangerous one, you have to be sure that when you say “I” is because you are talking about feelings or blames and try to avoid putting yourself as the center of the relationship.

4. Avoid criticism and blame:

Criticism and blame can be hurtful and damaging to a relationship. Instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, try to express your concerns and needs in a way that is respectful and constructive.

Always try to achieve a middle ground on the mattes that you don’t like and if you are going to criticize use the strategy shared by Dale Carnegie in his book How to win friends and influence people. In the fourth chapter, the first 3 principles teach you how to do this very nicely:

• Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
• Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

5. Practice empathy:

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When communicating with your partner, try to put yourself in their shoes and consider how they might be feeling. This can help you build a deeper connection and understanding with your partner.

It’s very normal to realized that the person that is complaining or making a mistake is wrong and why they should things different but the important thing here is to understand the why. Is impossible to be on the other person’s shoes even if you try to think that you were the one on that situation. What you should do is to first accept that there is a reason for his behavior and then you will begin to understand a little bit at a time.

6. Seek to understand:

When communicating with your partner, make an effort to understand their perspective, even if you disagree. Ask questions and listen actively to their responses, and try to see things from their point of view.

A lot of people misunderstand this point with the previous one but is not the same thing although both establish the idea that you may think and feel in a different way that the other person.

The empathy point refers to accept that you may not understand but agrees the other person have his reasons and the other point is to try to understand the logical situation behind his behavior. At the end feelings and ideas are both important in this situation.

7. Be open and honest:

Honesty is a key component of any strong relationship. When communicating with your partner, be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

Remember trust starts with a leap of faith and if your counterpart already gave the benefit of the doubt, you should be honest. In that way you will improve your relationship every time. Remember you should always tell the truth or at least not lie.

8. Respect boundaries:

Respecting your partner’s boundaries is an important aspect of healthy communication. This means respecting their need for space, privacy, and autonomy.

Try gadgets like the friendship lamps that let you know when the other one is ready to talk. Remember, not all of us process things the same way so you should be patient and remember that some day you may need that patience back.

9. Apologize and forgive:

Apologizing when you’ve made a mistake and forgiving your partner when they’ve made a mistake can help build trust and strengthen your relationship. Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re admitting defeat or taking all the blame, it simply means acknowledging that you made a mistake and expressing remorse.

Here is really important that what really matters is what the other one feels. You may believe that you didn’t do anything wrong, but if the other one feels that your actions offend him, even if it wasn’t on purpose at the end you did offend them, so, just apologize and be clear that you didn’t mean to.

Similarly, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or condoning inappropriate behavior, it means letting go of anger and resentment and choosing to move forward in a positive way. Forgiveness is first for you and later for the other person. You should be in peace to be able to think straight.

Click here if you want to learn a small technique for forgiveness that implicate some meditation.

10. Seek help when needed:

If you and your partner are having difficulty communicating or resolving conflicts, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or relationship coach. A professional can help you learn new communication skills and work through any underlying issues that may be affecting your relationship.

Sometimes you only need a mediator who can help you comunícate without taking sides.